Are you ready for this?
FACT: All, yes, all sleep training methods are CIO (cry it out).
The only difference between the 5 main sleep training methods, from which all of the sleep training books borrow from in one form or another, is how much parents are present for the CIO. Hundreds of parents tell me their presence or attempts to reassure their child sometimes piss their baby off even more, making crying even more intense and relentless. I go into more depth breaking down each one of the main methods, how to implement them, and how much CIO you can really expect with each in my live seminars and in my upcoming book.
Crying is a natural expression from babies when their routine has changed and they don’t know what’s coming next.
Cleverly marketed book titles on sleep-training, where a “no cry” or “gentle” solution is promised, despite the fact that in the books they call it “protesting” and warn there will be plenty of it, lead many parents to falsely believe that they can change their child’s current sleep habits and routine without their child expressing to them that they think their new sleep rules suck.
We live in a parent culture now that has conditioned parents to fear their child’s tears. That their brain cells will melt, or they’ll “detach” from us if we allow them to be temporarily uncomfortable as we change our routine responses and help them develop new skills.
Nobody likes change, even good change. It’s naturally, but temporarily uncomfortable for all of us, but it does not cause trauma. We can’t and shouldn’t fear it, teach our kids to fear it, or avoid it. Avoiding change is what causes anxiety around change in the first place, because we need lots of practice learning basic coping skills, infancy to adulthood. Trusting in the power of the human spirit to learn basic coping skills is what helps our little ones conquer and master new experiences, challenges, and even fear. The only thing we need to fear as parents is fear itself. Fear sells books. Fear sells baby products. Fear is shaping the current parent culture.
Our fears and anxieties are contagious! Our babies can smell it a mile away. Our fear gives them reason to believe that falling asleep on their own and getting themselves back to sleep between sleep cycles at night is a thing to be feared. The good news is our confidence in them that they can do this is equally contagious! This is not always a natural feeling for new parents. Fake it till you make it, for your child’s sake. The “feelings” of confidence will naturally follow, building you and your child up, equipping you both for the next teaching opportunity. Have faith in your baby and child!
Every child is different, different temperaments, different tolerances to sleep deprivation. Some will do great with your presence in the room while they work through the challenge of change (CIO), and some parents instinctively know their child will do better and move faster through the tears, if they get out of their kid’s way.
Both scenarios are CIO. Both are safe. See https://www.facebook.com/JenniJuneBabySleepAndCare/posts/858018150904507?notif_t=like and both can be effective. Make no mistake about it; parents instinctively know which one is a good match for their child and family.