“The sanctimommy knows how you should raise your children. Specifically, she knows what foods they should eat, what toys they should be allowed to play with; heck, sanctimommy even knows how you should have given birth…” (Source unknown)
Do you have any of these in your life?
It used to be that one only had to side step topics on politics and religion in certain conversations to keep peace. Today, there is so much sanctimonious judgment from parents and even maternity and parenting practitioners that we can probably add “parenting” to this list as well.
New moms confide in me constantly how they feel overwhelming judgment from lactation consultants to doulas, and preschool teachers to other parents.
My biggest concern with this is that it chips away at the one thing all parents need in a healthy society. Confidence. Without confidence we cannot safely lead our children. Nor can we teach our children to lead, for a leader must first learn to be lead.
My goal this year is to help parents and maternity and parenting practitioners to start valuing parental authority and confidence, rather than eroding it. How individual parents/families sleep, feed, labor, give birth and teach and love their children is their own prerogative as long as these things are being done with reasonable love and safety.
I believe the heart of this problem lies with how much importance we place on getting others to ‘agree’ with us on our individual choices and perspectives. We are working far too hard to convince others we are right. Maybe the focus should be on bringing as much clarity to our particular position as possible and, in turn spending time getting clarity on our neighbor’s position as well, and leaving it at that. How is love unconditional when in order to love our neighbor we have to love, or agree with, their position? Isn’t unconditional acceptance based on love and respect for an individual, regardless of their parenting philosophies, political positions, or religious beliefs, or even lack thereof?
We place enormous importance on teaching tolerance to our children, but we are more divisive and polarized and critical of one another than ever before. It’s time to start valuing clarity and individuality over agreement and caring for people unconditionally, even if you don’t care for their choices and values.